The fresh Manx wind that rocked the boat all the way back, hit my face and filled my lungs. I was home. A broken, defeated soldier returning from war. The familiar sights and smells of the Isle of Man wrapped around my shoulders; Manannan’s cloak surrounding me, comforting me, protecting me. Those same bumps and hollows in the roads paved my way home as though feeling my way in the dark. The orange halos from the streetlights lead me right to my blue front door. I fell into my own bed for the first time in over 9 weeks, Day and I took refuge under the covers and sunk deeper and deeper, crying till there was nothing left. We’d left...
Sometimes in a crowd you feel most alone. The cobbled streets of Liverpool city centre were starting to feel festive. And even though it was only the middle of the afternoon the golden glow from the shops against the washed-out grey sky added to the Christmassy feel. The shops bustled with busy shoppers dipping in and out of shops, excitedly chatting about the weekend’s plans. I felt like the wrong side of a magnet; repelling all excitement and joy. I felt like I was wearing a sandwich board saying, “ MY BABY JUST DIED!” Ignored, shunned, cast aside. Alone. Alone in the sea of excited faces because my face simply didn’t fit with the happy, smiley shoppers of Liverpool. I...
No baby should have a bath without ducks. Three seconds, three seconds that’s all. That first second upon waking, everything’s okay, that blissful second when your brain shifts from sleep to waking, everything’s normal. The following second as the cogs turn, faltering back and forth not quite able to connect in their usual way; telling you something isn’t right, something’s off. BANG! That third second, that’s the one. Eyes spring open. Everything clicks into place. The moment they click into place they crumble; the demolition of a tower block. Our boy was gone. All that remained of our lives and hearts was broken bricks and and shattered dreams. I squeezed my eyes shut in a vain attempt to protect myself...
We sat there for what felt like an eternity clutching Arlo in our arms. Clutching Arlo in our arms as if that would stop our hearts from splintering. Prof came back in at some point and listened carefully to Arlo’s chest. I knew he had gone, but still I desperately hoped they were wrong and stupidly I held my breath as he listened in. We knew he was no longer with us, but we were suspended, in limbo; we didn’t need confirmation, but we did. We needed to know if the last spark, the last smoke of the candle had evaporated. That bright-shining flame had been extinguished forever. I held my breath just in case he found the faintest of...
The ready meal scolded my mouth and throat as I simultaneously swallowed bites and spoke to Day and Alfie on the phone, while chucking things into my bag for my stay at the hospital. Somehow I held it together to speak to Alfie, but when I spoke to Day I added sobbing to the list of multitasking activities. I know in situations like this people don’t eat, they don’t take care of themselves. The fact of the matter was, I had to. Being a type one diabetic, I needed to look after myself. If I didn’t there’s a high chance I could end up in hospital myself- too poorly to be there for Arlo and right now that was NOT...
